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If I hear one more person listen to my message and say back to me something like, “Exactly! It’s all about communications,” I’ll lose my damn mind. That’s not even close to what I’m saying, and the orgasm equality problem is about soooo much more than communication. Let me break it down by flipping the perspective.
The idea of ribbed condoms seem to assume the vagina is like an inside-out penis. It is not. “…unless you're using the condom as a glove to rub her clit, the idea that condoms with some texture on them could improve a woman's ability to orgasm is the biggest bullshit.”
A love letter to all the ladies (that’s all of us really) out there dealing with how to merge our orgasmic realities with our orgasmic expectations, giving particular focus to what the idea of an orgasm not being important to a woman means in this crazy sexual culture of ours.
My long-winded discussion of how the rarity of lady-gasms compared to dude-gasms, and the sexual culture surrounding that, has everything to do with inappropriate, creeper sexual aggression from men to women…and it’s more pervasive than we’d like to admit.
I critiqued a 2014 post by Edward Clint at Skeptic Ink because, among other things, he was pitting Freud against the feminists of the 70’s as 2 extreme sides of the “orgasm debate’ which is a real pet peeve of mine. He disagreed with my assessment, and we debated back and forth . This is the OG post along with info about what ensued.
A re-post from 2011 about how realistic it really is to talk about ‘choice’ when it it comes to women’s orgasm in partnered situations
This is a repost of one of my faves from 2011. Let’s explore a world in which we treated male orgasm as shitty as we treated female orgasm?
Using the Brock Turner Stanford rape case as a case in point; I discuss how our ignorance of the physical realities of female arousal and orgasm breed a willingness and a cultural permission to mind-bogglingly conflate a woman’s sexual indifference, displeasure, or pain with a normal, acceptable, arousing and sometimes even orgasmic sexual experience.
Annamarie Jagose wrote a killer piece both acknowledging the clear truth that intercourse and lady-gasms don’t align and that it’s insane that we’ve known that for sooo long yet keep ignoring that it’s true. I’m way into this writing.
I saw Dr. Ruth on a retro airing of 1983 Johnny Carson. 1. She is a badass. 2. She’s saying all the same things we’re hearing from sexperts now, and very little has changed
Laying out some of the unintentional teaching about masturbation that goes on in our culture for boys that does not happen in the same way for girls. It’s not an even playing field.
Alana Massey speaks the raw, real truths about a sexual culture full of ‘meh’ sex for women, bringing in poignant insights about why we are here, why we ignore it, and what it means…and then comment are are mostly so asinine that they prove all her points.
on coming together, learning from our foremothers, and really bringing the orgasm equality revolution home
My thoughts about replying to comments people make on my more high profile posts.
I’m truly sick of people reading a detailed critique I created about the large cultural problems with the depictions, study of, and understanding of the female orgasm - where I don’t talk at all about partner communication - and write some vaguely positive thing about it that basically just says, “Yeah! She’s right. We should all just communicate better in bed!” I speak on that here.
A long detailed critique of a BBC article that asserted some inaccurate things about the female orgasm
I may seem like a bitch that doesn’t believe women, but the possibility that the vaginal orgasm isn’t actual and that women might say they have it when they aren’t actually physically having an orgasm is pretty hard to ignore.
Questions I get: What about love and connection - can you really take that out of the orgasm discussion? Don’t we already know this stuff? Don’t many women value other elements of sex over orgasm? My thoughts.
My thoughts after listening to the ladies of Vivid during my 3 free month of Sirius Radio. - “I truly believe that if we ever succeed at really changing female sexual culture for the better, it will not be without the women of porn or against them, it will be beside them”
After a discussion with a friend, here is my thoughts about why women’s ability to orgasm with another person might not realistically be as quick, easy, or reliable as masturbating on their own.
A sneak peak of how I’m discussing in the press kit the stance that vaginal orgasm seem to be, well, not a thing if you look at the scientific literature.
A quick rant about writers and sexperts acting as if the vagina is so overlooked in sex…as if the clit were somehow overpowering the vagina in our sexual culture.
Some bad pop-science BS article about the clitoral/vaginal orgasm debate. I go off a bit.
What if we had names for other types of sexual excitements that were not physical orgasms?
Although penises rubbing inside vaginas do not orgasms make, here’s some considerations to ways that the size of a penis may relate to a woman’s ability to orgasm while having intercourse (like if it’s not long enough, it might be hard to grind the clit against the pelvis the way she needs AND keep the penis from falling out)
I snuck in on the last day of national Masturbation month. Here’s some statements about how masturbation and orgasm equality line up.
A beautiful, personal post over at Frothing at the Brain . It's just a girl who wants to tell the world that she's pissed off about how little information she was given about her clit.
I was a straight girl that grinded off to a lot of Playboys in my teens. It was formative, and influenced my early ideas about feminism and sexuality, but with time my ideas have evolved.
The messy, misinformed sexual culture that hinders lady-gasms isn’t just something I write about, it’s something I live just like every other women out there, but I don’t often discuss my personal experience in it.
A bit of a stream of consciousness debate with myself. Is the advice that orgasm shouldn’t be a focus of masturbation sensible and progressive; or is it a secretly poisonous byproduct of a rarely acknowledged sexual culture in which women have very little actual choice and opportunity for orgasm.